The paradox of paradise

January.1. 2015

Every religion seems to have its own vision of the afterlife, of paradise, but they seem to tell more about the people who came up with the visions than the afterlife itself.

For example, people who are downtrodden dream of a paradise where they will be free. Case in point, the spirituals of the old South.

People who are poor, for them paradise is a place where they will attain a position higher than the rich. Case in point, the parable about Lazarus and the rich man.

And people who are beset with problems in their present life dream of a trouble-free and carefree paradise where they don’t have to work, where all they do is laze around serenaded by angels playing harps. That seems to be the definition for the rest of us.

So what does this say about those who dream of 72 virgins waiting for them in paradise? Clearly, lust is no barrier to paradise too

Somewhere in the Philippines, on some mountain, is a paradise on earth—filled with beautifully manicured gardens and pretty maidens presided over by the Son of God himself.

But who takes care of the gardens? Surely not the Son of God, he’s too busy consorting with the maidens.

I can just imagine some guy arriving at the paradise on earth to be greeted by the Son of God.

“Welcome to paradise, I have both good news and bad news. The good news is you’re in paradise, the bad news is you’re the gardener.”

The paradox of paradise. It can’t feel much like paradise if your job is to slave over the gardens.

Or some pretty maiden arriving at the afterlife to be greeted by another keeper of paradise.

“Welcome to paradise, I have both good news and bad news. The good news is you’re in paradise and the bad news is your job is to service some scruffy guy who has just laid down his life for the cause.”

Our concepts of paradise are so banal my local parish priest constantly makes jokes about it.

My favorite is this one.

Three guys arrived in heaven to be greeted by St Peter.

The first one came up and St Peter asked him. “So were you ever unfaithful to your wife?”

The man was full of remorse as he said, “Yes, but only three times.”

St Peter said, “Because you were unfaithful three times, you only get a compact car to drive in heaven.”

The second guy came up and St Peter asked him the same question and he answered, “Only two times, St Peter.”

“Okay,” St Peter said. “Two times, you get to have a medium sized car to drive in heaven.”

The third one came up and when asked the same question, he said proudly, “Not even once, I was a faithful husband all my life.”

St Peter said, “Well done my son, you get to drive a luxury car in heaven.”

Two weeks later, the first two guys met the guy with the luxury car at a stoplight in heaven and they noticed he was crying.

So they asked him, “Why are you crying? You should be happy, you have a luxury car to drive.”

He said, “I just saw my wife, she’s on a skateboard.”

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